Happy February!
It’s the first day of a new month and it is also the start of Black History Month. Although, I celebrate my heritage and myself throughout the WHOLE year, I am thinking creatively about how I can utilize my creative expression skills this month. And the first thing that came to me is… hey, you have a blog you haven’t posted to in a while. So here I am.
Over the few days, the Universe has showed me some shit that if I allowed my reaction to get the best of me, I would not be able to write what I am going to share with you today.
I am in the search of looking for my first apartment. The fucking process is, ugh. Last Monday, I got the go that I will be moving into my first new space at a wonderful luxury building. Can you imagine how excited I was to receive that news? Upon receiving that notice, I was informed I had 3 days to submit my security deposit and set a move-in date. You do know the next day, my ass was down at the office–all set and ready to go!
So the day comes and I was shown my apartment. SIDE BAR: The next portion if this story is literally me operating in a state of shock and it took me until I got outside the building to come back to my senses. I looked at the apartment I would be moving into and felt like I was being Punk’d and waiting for someone to come in and say “Just joking!”, but of course that did not happen. The apartment I was shown was more than a 100 Sq. Ft. less than what I was originally shown when I had a tour of what I “would be” moving into. Fast forward, I signed the lease like a dunce face. I turned in my security deposit and finished up the appointment and then left.
It wasn’t until I left the building and crossed the street that my intuition came on stronger than ever before. Something wasn’t right. I was not happy with what I saw and I felt embarrassed for even being in the position I was in. How do I go back in and tell these people, oops sorry, I made a mistake. I don’t want this shoe box sized apartment for $1424 (plus additional unknown expenses made known at the signing of the lease.) My anxiety started getting the best of me and along with fear and doubt. I immediately called my best friend. They always know what to say in your worst moment.
I explained to my bestie what was going on and she instantly said: TiElla, go back inside and tell them that you do not want this apartment. So I mustered up what strength I found and walked back across the street and notified them. I was surprised that I was even asked if I would like to think about it and get back to them before the end of the day. I said yes and proceeded to leave. It was in that moment that I burst out into tears. On the inside I felt so defeated. This process took me 8 months of waiting and jumping through loops all to be qualified for affordable housing. And then when I finally get the Go!, the jack in the box pops out and fucks up my whole thought process.
I decided to go back through the documentation that I sent in and realized the apartment that I was given, I did not select on a preference sheet in which they presented with two different apartment numbers that I chose from. Maybe I can start to see some light in this dark tunnel of a mind. I was hoping that this would provide me some leverage with declining the apartment. After reviewing this, I sent an email declining the apartment and asking for my security deposit back and informed them that I will not be taking the apartment. I also reached out to my mentors, other best friend and supports that could connect with resources and information about my rights. Thank goodness for them!
As another waiting game process begins, I decided to start looking at apartments again. This time with the thought that, you may never get your first choice, second choice, or third choice but you will build up the strength and courage to keep going even when you knocked down. This time with the mindset that everything is going to work out according to God’s purpose and plan for me. God is not punishing me and the Universe is not against me. Seriously, thoughts will consume you and your energy if you allow it.
Let’s just say, within 48 hours I received my deposit back and scheduled a tour for another apt which I was stood up for by the Broker who failed to call me and let me know he sold the apartment. I laughed at being stood up instead of wanting to punch someone in the fucking face.
The valuable lessons that I learned are:
- Let go and let God!
- Follow your INTUITION!
- Speak up for yourself!
- Stand in your truth.
- Know you are deserving of what you want for yourself.
- What you want isn’t always what you need.
- Your first choice may not be the best choice.
- When a door closes, it does not mean another will not open.
- Another door opens when one door shuts.
- Place your eggs in more than one basket. (esp. with job and apartment hunting)
- Instead of internalizing things negatively, look at them objectively and see where there is opportunity for growth/change.
- Reacting instantly only increases your anxiety/stress/frustration.
- Call on your support systems.
Although my search still continues, I have a different mental approach to this process this time around. My confidence is growing stronger and advocating for myself is a priority.
Curious, what is some advice/recommendations you would give for someone looking for their first apartment? (#SupportSystems) 🙂
Immersing In Truth 