This weekend has been the most centering eye opening weekend ever. Sometimes I get so caught up in my life and moving so fast that I completely forget about the small moments–the still moments–the moments that just let you think and allow you to sit with yourself. I am not good with sitting with myself for long periods of time and I am now paying attention to why that is. The more that I surround myself with like-minded folks the more I feel at ease with myself. There’s the saying with regards to the “box”–to step out of the boxes imposed upon you, the ones we seem to internalize and not realize until something bops us upside our head. I am learning what it means to “blow” the box up and just rid yourself of the constant nagging pressure of trying to be what society, what family, what friends, EVERYBODY, wants you to be and get comfortable with exploring what it would be like to be me authentically without feeling the need to take on the weight of the external world and their constant nagging with expectations. I am learning that I need to affirm myself and talents instead of waiting for others to do so. It takes time to break down the walls that you have conformed to–consciously and subconsciously. The subconsciously ones, for me in my life right now are coming up hard. I am 28 years old and just now realizing that the things that I’ve swept under the rug whether I was aware or not is starting to manifest itself. I have to DO THE WORK that is needed to FACE THOSE TRUTHS. I cannot lie, I’m scared as shit. I don’t know what that means or what it would look like or even what that would mean for me in terms of “acceptance”. I am having a hard time accepting some of the things that are coming up for me especially where I feel I need to speak to the other person in order to move forward. But, what I am realizing is, I have to accept what is out of my control. I cannot control every single move I make. I cannot have it “my way”–this is not Burger King. I cannot treat life like that. It’s funny though, I didn’t even know that I had an issue with control. I have to learn how to LET GO & LET GOD. Letting go is an reoccurring issue for me. I realize that when I was bullied as a kid, there were many instances in which i did not speak up for myself, I just let the situation go by being passive. What I know about myself and have learned over the last few years, I can go from passive-aggressive to straight aggressive. I am still learning how to be assertive. I know, I know that is not healthy either. But, at least I am aware of my self and look forward to working on myself and my areas of improvement. Affirming that I am good enough and worth it is my self-love journey right now. I am truly on a Self-Exploration, self-education journey right now. How I can be a Life Coach if I cannot answer my own tough questions?
To face the truth is the only way to free yourself from your outer self and liberate your inner self. -TiElla Grimes
Today I choose to recognize my ability
to act in response to the alternatives
in my life. I am fearless
and let go of the old and the unfamiliar.
Today I choose to make my wishes,
my dreams and my desires known to
myself and the Universe.
Today I accept that Choice is my divine teacher. I choose to listen and to obey
the signs that move me forward in my life.
Today I make healthy
choices in my relationships!
Today I choose to nourish my body,
mind and spirit!
Today I choose to be compassionate
towards myself and others!
Today I choose to be alive,
awake and happy!
*These are daily affirmations that I receive from Iyanla Vanzant–Inner Vision Institute Daily StimuMail.