I have been in a space that has left me feeling a bit uneasy. After a conversion with my best friend and getting lost in thought for a bit, I have come to my own conclusion about the relationship I have with myself…
I am in dire need to build a trusting, loving and kind relationship with myself.
As I was walking to Fenway Park, I see this sign. LET YOUR YOU OUT! Of the course the photographer in me had to get a snapshot. It spoke to me. It brought me back to my conversation with my best friend. I told her “I need to learn how to think for myself”. Make my own decisions without worrying about what others want me to do. Make my own decision without feeling like I have to ask permission from Sally, Dick and Harry.
I have not reached the place with myself where I trust the plans I make for myself. Doubt, worry and fear is surely my enemy. I feel like I have not let me out. In all honesty I don’t even know who I am. No matter how much I keep busy, I’m not feeling any closer to myself. I feel like by keeping busy I’m actually building more distance between me, myself and I. Don’t get me wrong, the things I do immerse myself is what I want to do. I am just understanding the process of relationship building with myself that is pretty much non-existent internally but “faking until I make it” externally.
I am working on figuring out what steps I need to take to let my ‘me out’. Who is the me that desires to be let out?
I do know I am ready to explore another country. Give myself the space to live a little bit. My city is cool but I have been here all my life. And I am ready to experience something else. A change of scenery would bring me much happiness in my life right about now.